Art, Positivity and Expression

Hi everyone, today has been a low energy Tuesday for me, how about you? Seriously though, I’d love to hear how you’re doing in comments. I’m open to questions, statements, advice, sharing…everything but hate!

Before I begin I want to open up to you guys with a personal update. As you may know from my last blog, I recently published my second book; an unconventional self-help guide that we can work through together. I thought I’d feel happier about this accomplishment but unfortunately I’m finding myself overwhelmed. It’s a good thing that I had a beneficial therapy session today which took a bit of weight off my shoulders. I’m struggling with different things at the same time which is taking a toll.

Can I unload a bit with you? Maybe you can relate…EVERYONE is going through SOMETHING.

My body image is in a deeper slump than usual and though I love work and my coworkers the drastic mood swings have been hard to manage. I had a panic attack at work which makes me very sad and angry because I want this so badly. I want a clean start…I want friendship and productivity…I want progress, achievement and success. Then there’s the fact that my fiancé and I are moving. (But I’m still going to be splitting my time between him and home with my parents.) Moves are just stressful I suppose, especially when you’re new to it and change always brings me the danger of instability. Then there are relationship struggles that are confusing the hell out of me and the fear of school starting again so soon. How will I manage work, school, blogging, posting and working on another book at the same time? My sanity feels tenuous as it is. On top of that are my new financial burdens; car payments and insurance.

Anyway let’s move on. The reason I’m sharing this is because 1. Honesty and openness is my blogging policy and 2. Because my first thing to show you is an encapsulation of heavy baggage. Voila!

What was I thinking? Well, too much apparently!!! Does this ring true with you? Life is just so damn complicated! Sorry for the outburst…but it’s enough to make anyone ‘crazy’. Just think about everything we constantly consider and manage to contain…wow! One way of making sense of all this stuff, for me anyway, is to write or draw it out. So that’s what I did and it was a little cathartic.

Have you heard that saying? Do you believe it and say it to yourself or others? I’ve been telling myself this for a long time but recently discovered that it can be a little toxic. The mindset is one of constant agitation which can easily result in anxiety. We can’t stop? Really? Our lives are already fast-paced and stressful, but adding more pressure? I don’t want that anymore. I’ve discovered that believing you can’t stop and must just plough forward despite warning signs from your mind and body is really really harmful. This saying is an intellectual imposition…the opposite of staying in tune with ourselves and promoting self-care. If you need to slow down, slow down…the world won’t explode. Do you need a break? The world can wait. What CAN’T wait is your health. Take it from me. Been there, done that. A lot.

Speaking of slowing down and stopping, here’s a little trick I use for myself. I think I’ve written about it before but it’s worth another mention. Once again this is about staying in touch with ourselves and doing what we need when we need it. For such a quick self-assessment it can go a long way once it becomes a habit.

A Poem to My Mind

I’ll leave you with a little poem I wrote the other day; normally I’m not a poetic person but I like the challenge and experimentation. I even got it to rhyme!

My head can be bad

And make me quite sad,

I feel a compulsion

And act on impulsion,

I get a weird high

Without knowing why,

Or I’m really blue

And all is askew,

But in my defence

My love is intense,

And when the sun shines bright

I can take much delight,

When I do something good

That I know I should,

I feel some reward

That can’t be ignored,

In moments like this

I escape the abyss,

And realize hence

That in a key sense,

Little old me

Isn’t the worst to be!