I haven’t written for a while and that’s because I’ve been incredibly preoccupied on an emotional level. What I have to share is also difficult to explain and I want to keep it as short as I can.
I had a bit of an epiphany in the last days of my time in town between crisis centres. I discovered the root of a large part of my troubles. I’m not ready to share what it is. What’s most important is that I feel deserving of punishment. So instead of getting into that I’ll talk about something related but separate.
I’m in a love triangle right now with my boyfriend of 7 years and someone I have a strong connection with who I met at the crisis centre. It’s actually a really long story that I’d rather not get into. Suffice to say that I now have two friends as potential lovers. Did I intend for this to happen? Absolutely not. Am I worried sick about how its’ affecting them and paralyzed in my decision due to it not fully being mine to make? Uh huh.
My point however applies more broadly. I’m at a crossroads and those are difficult for everybody. Thats why I want to write about what to do when we’re feeling stuck and f*cked! All I can share is what I’m trying and helps ME, but I hope it can be of service to you.
1. Spell It Out
I’m serious, it doesn’t matter if you’re good at writing or not. It doesn’t even matter if you like it. The goal is to create distance and a superb way is to write. Often we become too close to a situation which blurs our vision. It’s difficult to make a decision under those circumstances. Writing things as they occured for example can really help with deciphering meaning, in tensions, etc. Things not realized in the heat of the moment can also become more available for examination.
2. Collect Opinions
It’s always important to hear other’s opinions. Fresh eyes offer a wonderful opportunity if we keep an open mind. (Which I sadly do not always.)
3. Someone Impartial
It really helps to have someone truly impartial like a therapist. People who are close to the situation understandably have opinions tainted with personal biases and motivations. Even if those individuals have our best interests at heart, the point of therapy lies in being helped to form our own conclusions. Sometimes the people we love lean a little too far by telling us what we should feel or think. As expected, the key to exploring a situation successfully in therapy is to be as open, honest and detailed.
4. Putting it together
So you’ve written your initial interpretation, have spoken with others and explored the subject with someone unbiased. What’s next? I recommend writing another draft based on what you’ve gleaned from exterior views. Pay particular attention to what swayed your opinion or reinforced it. What makes the new view credible? What makes it hard to believe or accept? Here are some added questions:
- Is guilt motivating a change of heart?
- Are you afraid of disappointing someone/people?
- Is anger making you impulsive if a choice is involved?
- Who was the easiest to talk to and why?
- Do things feel clearer or more muddled?
- What are the current pressures and where are they coming from?
5. Breathing Room￼
If it’s all too much, maybe we’re looking at it too long and hard. I know I am! Sometimes we need to take a step back and focus on other things. Time helps though we unfortunately don’t always have the luxury. I’m not encouraging avoidance, but breaks are necessary to avoid hitting an emotional wall and falling to pieces. Remember to breathe, do things you enjoy, get out of your isolating bubble of sadness and keep up a routine. It doesn’t solve everything but it can help in difficult times.
A Final Note:
If you’re in some level of crisis or coming out of one, it’s probably not the best time to make any large decisions. Maybe not even medium ones! Taking the time necessary to feel stable again is worth everything!
A Few Other Updates: ￼
• I almost went on sick leave from work and instead decided to work but with far fewer hours. We’ll see how that goes.
• I wanted to start University this Autumn but I don’t think I’m ready so I’m cancelling my registration.
• Since I won’t be a student of John Abbott College anymore, I’m losing my therapist of many years. The person who knows so much and has helped me above and beyond. I’m scared and sad.
• I haven’t self-harmed since the major event I can’t yet write about that happened on July 4th. Yay me…progress!
• I’ve started a new art form of making things out of epoxy resin. The possibilities are endless and it’s quite exciting!
How is your summer going? Are you enjoying the heat or is it starting to be too much?