I’m back with news! One great thing that’s happening in my life right now is that I’m refining my path towards the future. I wish I could give everyone experiencing future confusion/anxiety a recipe-style solution. Goodness knows I prayed for one like that in these past years! But the truth is that these things don’t come by force. If I had to narrow down what brought me here, I’d have to say time and experimentation. This is how our lives unfold.
Besides, life is so unpredictable that even the most well-organized plans can stray off course. Perhaps the solution is to not see it as off course but rather a natural part of the journey. Something that helps us find ourselves in a world trying to sell prefab personas. I hope that makes sense but even if it doesn’t, it sounds pretty cool. Haha. The point I’m trying to make though comes down to the Alcohol Anonymous prayer:
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.
To me, the truth and significance of this quote can’t be overstated. Not just for addiction, but for everyone. A big part of my problem comes from a sense of no control. I fret so much over what I can’t control that I have very little energy left to work on what I can. Historically, I have not had the wisdom to distinguish between the two. The result? A life on runaway, like a driver out of control of their massively powerful vehicle.
Gaining control by letting go may sound counter-intuitive, but I think it’s key.
So to sum up my process:
• Allow life to happen, especially the undeniable unpredictability.
• Test things out as if life were a buffet.
• Prioritize what you want to make happen.
• Accept changes and modifications along your journey. Incorporate and reject.
• Maintain an attitude of wanting to learn and grow.
• Forgive yourself for errors in judgment, mistakes, etc. We’re human!
• Emphasize personal progress over comparing yourself to others.
Now for my Personal Update
I’ve seriously launched myself into karting. To me there are few sensations as incredible as navigating a high-speed kart very close to the ground around a challenging track. I’m absolutely in love and trying to get in as much seat time as possible.
I guess you could say that this is my main goal right now, after preserving my mental wellness and stability of course.
I’m proud to say that for a newbie, my lap times are pretty good! I’ve come in first a fair bit and I’ve been getting pretty close to fastest lap time records on different tracks. In Laval I’m in second place for the month and in Montreal I’m in fourth place. My total seat time so far is 135 minutes. (2 hours and 15 minutes.)
I want to show you the equipment I’ve gotten so far because I’m so excited about it. I’m trying to spread out purchasing each piece and hopefully I’ll be fully equiped by Spring!
In Other News
I haven’t forgotten about the school side of things…in fact I’ve refined that plan too. I’m going to finish my current chemistry course by April because I’m on a waiting list now for a Nursing Assistant program of one year. This will give me a job in the field to see if Nursing is right for me and will pay me more than I could make as an ‘unskilled’ worker. It’ll help me with bills and karting!
It’s also feeling really good to be back at work, even if it’s not that many hours. I’m really trying to be careful this time around because I’m tired of my usual pattern! Why continue doing something that clearly doesn’t work for me? Change is scary but necessary and I feel like I’m on the right path now. I’ve been getting a little overwhelmed and empty lately but that’s ok. I understand that it’s where I am in my cycle and just because I feel that way doesn’t mean it’s true or that I need to act on the intrusive thoughts. I’m in control here…I’m driving this thing called my life.
Well, that’s all for now. I know we’re Sunday but I wish you all a wonderful weekend and a great week!