I’m going through a tough time again. All that is relative of course…I’m living with highly unstable mood cycles that often seem to require being ‘waited-out’. I’m tired of waiting things out. Sometimes it’s necessary and other times it’s a trap for complacency in which nothing can be improved. It’s complicated right? How much is in our control and how much isn’t? That’s a big debate with a lot of air time in my head but it’s not what I want to talk about today. I just want to practice some healthy positivity. These aspects are of course written from my perspective, so I’m not suggesting they’re the same for you. Hopefully they can be inspiring and encourage you to make your own version.
I’ve feeling pretty depressed and it’s been sticking to me like a poisonous shadow. You’d think the sun would make a difference, but no. Once the light hits me all goodness evaporates and leaves behind a stupid shadow. STOP FOLLOWING ME! And then sometimes I feel unstoppable and highly-concentrated but it doesn’t last. It’s a mirage and can sometimes lead to thoughts as potentially dangerous as those when I’m down. Go figure…thanks brain.
The point here is to pump myself up and hopefully it can inspire you too. It also includes some goals/attitudes I want to carry with me throughout the day.
- My head is exploding but I’ll focus on each thing as it comes. When I’m at work I’m going to be the best employee I can. I’ll be friendly and helpful with clients and super diligent, productive and proactive with my designated tasks. My boss deserves good employees and our clients deserve valuable help. I respect the person, company and mission I work for so I’m going to do my best to convey that through my work. It has value to the community and I’m fortunate to be a part of it.
- Mia is with me at work so when we’re together on break I’ll give her my love and focus. We have two incredibly precious doggos so I want to spend time with them every day and make sure they have fun.
- When I do my classwork I’ll try to focus on how interesting the subjects are instead of seeing them purely as stressful obligations threatening to engulf me with panic.
- I do have a lot on my plate but I really want to focus on the excitement of what I’m getting into. There’s a lot of potential for growth even though I feel overwheImed so I’d like to keep that in mind.
- I also plan to incorporate more self-care time to ensure that my hard work feels remunerated in the short-term. It doesn’t do to focus exclusively on obligations and forget to live in the meantime. I did well with that this past weekend; on Saturday night after work one of my coworkers and I went to a roller disco fundraiser for autism in Montreal. It was very exciting and a lot of fun! I also spent a night with my boyfriend which felt good…I miss him. What makes me particularly happy is that as a result my days off felt longer and I got a lot done at the same time. The balance was there which made a big difference.
A New Yardstick of Accomplishment
My mood changed since the last time I was writing for this blog. I’m currently in an upswing, enjoying the feeling of air under my wings ready to set me flying for success. That gets interrupted by pangs of serious doubt and low motivation, but I’m trending high anyway. I think this is a mixed episode. Anyway, let’s continue.
I’ve started a list on my phone of things I’m accomplishing that make me feel like a better person/more responsible adult. Maybe then it’ll be easier to recognize the value of what I’m doing/trying to do. I’m even including things I have to do to repair my own mistakes; it counts as experience so I think it should be on my New Landmark List.
I recommend that you make a similar list of your progress to encourage you to keep going.
- I successfully budgeted and covered all my expenses for 2 months. I’m not fully up to speed but improvements and effort deserve credit.
- Speaking of budgeting, I got an app that makes bank reconciliation super easy: I have no excuse to not enter all my info and I finally have a clear and complete picture of my financial situation. (It might be depressing but at least I know – Ignorance is not bliss.) Thee app is called Budget by the way – I’m not affiliated with them in any way I just think their app is really smart.
- I’m going to include the raise I got a little while back because it IS a landmark; it’s my first raise not due to a minimum wage increase.
- I also had a meeting with my boss to touch base on how things are going and I’m super grateful to say that she’s happy with my work both on the floor with clients and in my marketing role. I’m getting another raise in about two weeks, this one being the yearly increase for everyone. I’ll also be getting insurance soon because June 2nd marks one year of working at the pet store, and it’s time for me to choose two weeks of paid vacation time. The insurance and vacation indicate that I stuck with the job despite everything I have going on, despite the crisis centre, and despite ME. It’s a boost of confidence when I think about it!
- I should count include the JAC ‘Let’s Talk’ video of January 2022 because I feel so good contributing to the cause; I feel like my life means something.
- I have other news…I was super surprised because I was nominated for Forces Avenir, a governmental award that John Abbott College is taking part in for the first time. It’s for being a persevering student while working on other projects for the community. I had to write a short personal essay for my candidacy along with two photos. (Mia is in one of them of course!!!) It’s funny because though I wouldn’t have even known about the award, now I’m afraid of not getting it. I’ll be disappointed in myself about something I didn’t previously know was possible.
Feeling successful depends on what we deem to be a success. If we’re waiting for millionaire status or perfection of any kind, we’re bound to be disappointed. Try finding successes out of what you’ve already done with the day, week, month or year. There are often more silver linings than we expect.
Along with that comes an appreciation for what we did under the given circumstances. This can also help grow gratitude. I feel very grateful for the opportunities that have been coming my way despite the weird and unexplainable mental curve balls I’m thrown.
A good example of this gratitude is about what happened yesterday. At the pet store we were holding a sale of tasty treats, the profits being donated to Human Society International for helping animals in Ukraine. I had many things to bring in so I decided to make more than one trip between my car and the back-store. Mia was supposed to be inside but somehow she slipped out without me seeing her. My boss’s husband had thankfully seen that, so I ran outside screaming her name. The problem is that Mia had been alone out there almost 10 minutes; a lot of distance can be travelled in that time by an exploring little Yorkie. I’m not sure I’ve ever been so afraid. I ran around the store still yelling her name…thank the Universe Mia now listens and usually comes back in a hurry when I call her. She had gone out the employee entrance but I ended up in front of store when I saw her. She had been going in the direction of the highway North but was running back to me! This is a busy street but thankfully it was only about 8:15. I went into the street to stop an oncoming car and scooped her up. I am so incredibly grateful you have no idea. My precious Muffin could’ve been lost, stolen or ran over! I learned that if I have to do that kind of in and out again I’m going to put Mia in a closed room for safety. I obviously can’t let this ever happen again.
Setting goals/making plans is key to succeeding at whatever we’re aiming towards. The goals and plans I set aren’t always big and in fact it’s good for some of them to be smaller. A lo of my goals were too big before and I found it disheartening to not see tremendous progress. Here are some of my tasks/goals.
- Do the washing.
- Do the groceries.
- Plan/prepare what I can for work lunches and snacks.
- Complete a certain chapter/module of my 2 classes.
- Take a shower.
- Work on a blog or other writing.
- Make sure I have enough meds and that they’re ready to go in my dispenser.
- Add all transactions as I go to budgeting app.
- Keep up my personal calendar and marketing-work calendar.
- Play with our doggos.
- Rollerblade during free time.
Being an adult is funny. Often it’s the simple things like the above that make me feel like a more semi-responsible and functioning adult. Fitting in simple reality tasks and chores is a natural part of growing up. It makes me feel proud when I properly budget my time. Being an adult is more than reaching 18 or having a family with kids…it’s being able to manage everything in your life as if you were the kid in need of direction. I think the trick is to preserve our child portion and develop an adult who can balance that out and keep everything running smoothly.
What are some of YOUR day to day goals? What makes you feel like a successful adult?