I’ll start this blog with its title. It comes from my Mom who said to me, “Your life isn’t boring!” And you know what? I’ve never thought of it that way. I’ve gotta laugh because…when it comes down to it…she’s quite right. It might be crazy, but it sure isn’t dull! I think anyone who knows me, REALLY knows me, can attest to that. I’m a pain in the ass, high-maintenance, wacky, unpredictable hurricane. Yup. That’s me.
So you might be wondering what’s – happened – now?
In brief, I’ve been feeling strange symptoms like nausea, headaches, hot and cold flashes, extra fatigue and extreme hunger followed by a surprising lack of appetite. I thought I had caught a virus but on the off chance, I took a pregnancy test… and tested POSITIVE!
Congratulations are NOT in order… I don’t understand and it’s definitely not good news. Why?
• 1. I’m learning how to take care of myself, never mind a child!
• 2. I haven’t finished school and I’m not where I want to be with my career. (More on that later.)
• 3. I often prefer the idea of adoption.
• 4. I’m afraid to pass down ‘mental illness genes’
• 5. My fiance and I don’t have our own place together.
• 6. The list goes on…
So what is the next step? Well after the positive result I did another test the next day that came back negative. Super confusing! But after research and speaking with a pharmacist, it turns out that I need to take a test when I reach my predicted cycle start. We’ll go from there. This was a shock for all of us as you can imagine, and I had trouble concentrating on school. I’ve gotten back into the groove though since I have to stay on track. I’ve been putting it out of my mind since I can’t do anything about it right now anyway.
What I’ve Been Learning
I would like to update you on my personal progress. I’m very grateful for the strides I’ve been making and that I’m coping with the increased workload. I completed my 2 courses and have gotten started on the 2 new ones: Gym and my last English course. Chemistry also continues to be going very well and I find it motivating to work in an actual school environment. I really like my teacher and I’ve made some friends. Yay! Time management is very important because though it may not seem like I’m doing a lot, its quite a bit for my current state. In fact I was getting ridiculously anxious the past weeks but with my meditation and other strategies (that you can find HERE), it’s getting more under control. The unfortunate part is that I haven’t had as much time to write blogs.
Now for the Surprise
There’s something else I want to share today and it makes me a little shy. You see, the self-discovery and self- improvement has been opening up all sorts of unexpected things.
One of these is a new ‘career’ goal. Actually, it’s not really new. The truth is that I had
thought of it a long time ago but always dismissed it as impossible. Because of that, I’ve never even talked about it. Just recently it popped back into my head and for the first time, I want to go for it despite the difficulties. It takes money, connections, determination and of course, skill/ability to learn. My handicaps? No money, no connections, unknown skill and sadly, being female. And then there’s mental illness… So, are you curious yet? Enough beating around the bush.
I want to be a professional racecar driver. Please try not to laugh. I know that it sounds like a pipe dream but I can’t express how badly I want this – maybe even NEED this. I think I’d like to start with rally driving and/or autocross and eventually make it to the big leagues of Nascar or Formula 1. Who knows where this path will take me. Do I know that it’s a long and difficult road? (No pun intended.) Yes! But I’m tired of giving up on dreams before I even give them a shot. Driving is my happy place – a form of meditation that grounds me in the present moment. Rarely do I ever feel more alive and at peace. If racing was my life, I think my life would be significantly better.
Have my career goals been changing at the rate of the wind? I think so. But I know why. Beyond it being common with my illnesses, there’s a deeper reason. It’s difficult to explain without sounding egotistical which is quite the opposite of what I mean. I think I’ve been struggling to find my path in life because I’ve been looking at more common choices. Anything ‘exotic’ that I’ve been passionate about has been dismissed as too much of a long shot – and one that I in particular could never attain. So what have I been doing? Getting myself to like the idea of going to university and getting a degree because that’s the relatively safer option. If I were to successfully become a nurse, I’d be pretty much guaranteed employment. The problem is that I don’t want to be in school much longer. I’m not passionate enough about any career that can be attained through that kind of education. I’ve gotta stop making my plans based on the most tried and true methods of success. Not because ‘I’m special’, but because I’m simply unhappy. I’m empty inside.
After all that has been said, this is my request to you. I know I’m the extreme underdog. I’m nobody. My new goal requires money and that requires sponsorship. My dream is to be sponsored first and foremost not by huge companies and organizations, but by YOU. By the people. Why? Because I want to drive for you. I want to break into this exclusive boy’s club as YOUR choice of representation. I want to be an example of big dreams coming true for the smallest of people. For women. For those suffering from mental illness. For EVERYBODY! I plan to share my progress every step of the way. Imagine just how far we can go if we do this together.
That’s why I’ve started a Go Fund Me to help finance My Big Dream. Your sponsorship, no matter the amount of money you invest in me, would mean the absolute world. You wouldn’t just be investing in a sport or hobby; you’d be investing in my light at the end of this tunnel.
So if you’d like to read my Go Fund Me bio and are considering a contribution, you can find it HERE. Thank you so much for your time and support by reading these blogs.
Take care everyone!