Faith and its Role as Metaphorical Duct tape

I didn’t want to start a war (haha), so I have delayed writing about religion. Now however, I am experiencing faith more than ever before and feel obliged to share how much faith has helped me. This is not an attack on atheists nor does it matter what you believe in (unless you’re hurting people), as long as it works for you. And I’ve finally found what works for me. I have heard of many accounts of people surmounting terrible situations in part or greatly due to their faith. May it be helping illness, having greater support through a crisis, or managing one’s fear of death, faith is impressively powerful. Faith, unfortunately, is something I had avoided when I was younger. My Dad and I talked about many religions and ideologies which gave me a great global view, but my personal conclusion was that I don’t have the answers and therefore I will neither accept nor deny any religion. I simply do not have the knowledge to determine either way. I still believe that, but as a few years passed, I formed a vague belief in the ‘Universe’. To me, this would represent all possibilities. Therefore I prayed, unconventionally perhaps, about everything I’m grateful for. I thought it was a good belief, but in the end it was superficial at best. However now, with my epiphany garnered from a near death experience, my life has changed. I don’t want to use the phrase “I found God”, but I did find one of the biggest things I lacked and desperately needed. That moment when I dropped to my knees and surrendered myself to the Universe, I learned so much. My life changed. I apologized profusely for my arrogance and disrespect for my own life each time I lost all hope and control and harmed or tried to kill myself. I pleaded for another chance to redeem myself and thanked the Universe for all the times it has given me second chances. I communicated that those moments of great weakness were human and that only a phenomenal amount of pain could make opting out an option. I felt that the Universe understood and since that early morning my faith has skyrocketed. I’m not sure what the Universe is capable of, but I definitely feel much less alone. When I meditate I feel closer and closer to the Universe and feel as though we’re in a partnership now. Not to say that I can pray for everything to go my way, but it really does fill a hole in my spirit. I feel connected to something huge. Something raw, primal and all encompassing. Something perhaps as old as time itself. I also thank the Universe for my recent introspection and personal realizations. What I now realize is that it’s ok to not have all the answers. We come to things when we’re ready so I guess I finally was. I even thank the Universe for these past very painful years because without my experiences I would not be who I am today. I have grown so much and am continuing along that journey which makes me deeply grateful. I’ve also started to believe in something I never have, and that is how perhaps things happen for a reason. For example I truly believe that finding my puppy Mia on the side of the road was divine, for lack of a better word. We needed each other. Mia needed a good family with a lot of love and I needed a ‘baby’ that I can protect, love and live for. I didn’t know that we would find her and I didn’t know how badly I needed Mia until I looked into her soulful eyes. She brings out the best in me; the part that wants to share as much love and kindness as possible. Therefore it’s not just about her, it’s also about everything our relationship can represent and what she can teach me about other aspects of my life. Returning to my newfound faith, I realize that it is not my place to etch my beliefs in stone nor push them upon others. My beliefs will probably change shape and evolve throughout my life which is actually a promising adventure. Most importantly, does it really matter in the end what you believe in? If it rings true for you and brings peace to your spirit, I think that’s what counts. This brings me to my last thought. It appears easier to believe in something outside of ourselves than to believe in oneself. If faith can be directed, which I believe it can, what stops us from placing some of that faith in our own body, mind and spirit? I will certainly have to think about this more, because it brings up many questions and thoughts.