Hi guys, I have a very short blog for you today. I just wanted to share the artwork I’ve been doing while in the psych ward. I have a lot of time on my hands and if you remember from one of my previous blogs, I have the goal of decorating my room while I’m here. I’m trying to make it as warm and inviting as possible to counteract the cold hopsital vibe.
While I’m at it I’ll update you on what just happened to me.
I’d like to share what NOT to do in a psych ward. The night before last I went to take a shower with my razor. I should’ve realized that it wasn’t the best time since I had felt empty pretty much all day. So what happened? I got triggered by the razor and wanted nothing more than to cut. So that’s what I did. And it was a literal bloody mess. I regained control too late and called for help. I feel very guilty for the whole thing but especially because my nurse was really affected. He was the one yelling for a stretcher and using his hands to try to stop the bleeding as we went downstairs to a code room. They gave me blood and applied an inflatable tourniquet because it was bleeding through the bandages. They set up a transfer to another hospital that has vascular surgeons. They gave me fentanyl for the pain and it did nothing! The pain was crazy and got worse and worse on the ride. It wasn’t the cut ironically, but the tourniquet! It was too tight and on for an hour, maybe longer. I was screaming and begging from the pain so I guess I got what I deserved. At the other hospital they put me under for the surgical repair and I woke up in post-op at 4 a.m. In and out of sleep, it felt like forever before they sent me and an escorting nurse by taxi back to the psych ward. When I got there I felt so ashamed. They changed me to a room right in front of the nurses station and took away everything. Thank goodness my Dad came and he made me feel a lot better. We even got to go outside twice with a préposé to smoke which really felt good. I also got access to my writing tablet (that I’m writing to you from right now) and colouring stuff but it has to be given back before I sleep. I’m still so tired and groggy… I can’t believe all that happened in a 24 hour period. I’m grateful to be back in the psych ward though. I’ll earn back my privileges one by one. At least I’m here and not in an ER or writhing in pain in an ambulance.
This is what I’m left with now in my new room:
Have a lovely weekend!